Remorse

My head is screaming
Like the wind one Autumn night
There’s too much to say
So for now, I just write
You flutter through my mind
Like a songbird in flight
But you’re running from me
And it gives me such a fright
My heart pounds roughly
When thinking of our plight
It’s the closeness that I miss
It’s got me feeling so contrite
I wish to turn to you
When loneliness strikes
So in the back of my mind
I plan to fight
A good friend you were
And now pushed aside
From my own remorse
I try to hide
But it pushed and pulled
And broke my stride
And for the first time since then
I broke down and cried
Every effort
Has been crushed, like my pride
Every apology
Has been stomped on, denied

Though what can you say
To the girl who tried
Who would have stayed
Through the hellish ride
That you broke, and crushed,
And stomped on in turn
Whose heart you ripped out
And watched it burn
How do I stand here
Trying to force my concern
Why does the past repeat?
Oh! When will I learn?

Au Revoir

My fingers keep itching with every new revelation
The story keeps switching, it’s a bitter sensation
You’re changing my feelings to justify your own
I may not understand my heart, but I’m not made of stone
You speak as if I never really liked you at all
Of course that’s a lie; don’t make me feel so small
We felt the same at the start; just ended differently
I would change if I knew how, just so you won’t resent me
I’m sorry I couldn’t completely reciprocate
All that you felt for me; if only I could create
Some sort of remedy, so you can take a swig and finally be free
And maybe you can stand to take a look at me
And become the friend that you used to be
But I’m not magician, nor a sorceress
And I’ll end up with an ulcer if I add to the stress
So I tip my hat, and take my leave
I don’t have any more words up my sleeve
I bid you au revoir; I hope your days are sublime
Maybe we’ll meet again in another lifetime

Broken

So many pieces lying around
They stick to my skin; they cover the ground
Tape hasn’t helped; nor has glue
I had hoped that I could be fixed by you
It would seem I hold a lie within
My heart, it beats, to my chagrin
Though feel it does not, and when I take a guess
It proves to be nothing but future distress
I stress and obsess over what is to come
Because everything inside can only feel numb
Though I try my best to give all that I’ve got
So you do not see what I forgot:
That I do not know how to give my all
The knowledge is lost; I can recall
The first time that I “loved” another
It was also my last; I’ve “loved” no other
When I look back, I know it was fake
But it felt so real; I’ve made the mistake
Of wanting to feel that way again
Instead of searching for something sane
Instead of searching for something true;
Maybe I should have looked twice at you
I hope the next will bring success
I’m so afraid, I must confess,
That I will just be broke forever
And won’t survive this next endeavor
I pray that he will hold the key
The tape, the glue that will fix me
So I won’t be so lost in these difficult days
So I won’t walk alone in such a daze
So I can tell what’s wrong from right
So I can rest my head at night

The Tigress Speaks

I lay in bed
Trying to push away the things that fill my head
That hurt my gut, that throttle my chest
The words that say away from me is best
And the hole in my heart continues to spread
Almost as if you had said you wished I were dead
My hands are shaking, my vision unclear
You were something I held very dear
Together or not, I continued to care
I cursed myself; now I sink in despair
If only you knew what you mean to me
If only I could express all that’s hidden inside
Wish I could guarantee that your heart would be free
But it seems that everything I want is denied
I said I didn’t love you; I probably did
Something tells me it shouldn’t hurt this bad
That it should mean nothing; shouldn’t make me sad
That my ties are cut and I should be glad
But tears continue to fall from my eyes
Two nights in a row; gee what a surprise
Of course with big decisions come a big price
And if I could go back, I’d do the same thing twice
I have no regrets, though the outcome I hate
I’ve lost a great friend, someone whom I could relate
Someone who stuck by my side through thick and thin
Someone who knew me like some of my kin
Closer than that; someone I adored
Someone who could pierce through my skull like a sword
It seems like I always get rid of what’s good
If it was possible to fix what’s been done I would
But for now I see it’s useless to try
So I’ll step back with many tears and a sigh
And pray that I don’t ruin much more
I now say goodbye, with a kiss and a roar

Midnight Train

I want you away, far away
Where the sounds of pain and exhaustion cannot reach
So that I may rest easy
Without Emotion’s icy grip
Yet the emptiness astounds me
And I’ve come to miss the comfort you provide
I must say I’m impressed
The feelings I had repressed
Haunt my lonely nights,
As if I didn’t have enough to fight,
Like the bitter tears of failed apprehension
I dreamt. Of running
From your aggressive attempts of temptation
The horror that I felt at your lips,
The cruel laughter in your once warm eyes…
And that was just a dream
I freeze at the thought
Of meeting face-to-face
Of a mending conversation
Of a whimsical embrace
It’s funny; that’s all I had wanted from the chase
Who knew things could get so complex
In the blink of an eye, in a streak of light
Across a star-filled sky,
Breaking the calm like the midnight train
On a warm summer night

Betrayal

After all that we've been through
I thought the closest would be you
I thought we'd see through 'til the end
I thought you'd always be my friend
I thought no one could come between
Thought you'd be there for me to lean
You've taught me much, but most of all:
Even the best of friends can fall.

Sunshine

My day starts
Your smile lingers in my mind
Like the sun rests
Behind eyelids after
Staring at its beauty
My little ball of fire
Crosses my mind
Even when the big one
Rests for the night
That angel's voice sings,
Unaware that the Tigress
Is listening, learning the words.
I adore you, bright one;
The moon can wait.
Light up my sky, always;
Be mi pequeño elefante

Rellim, Ahtnamas

How do you breathe
With lies growing inside
With deceit crawling up your throat
It should eat you alive
It should rip out your heart
Or the place it once was
There's a black hole there now
I can't speak on the cause
The darkness has led
To the tree to be blind
Of course it doesn't know
That you cloud its mind
You claim not to hate
But with hate you speak
It's not cleared air you want;
It's surrender you seek
You want to break me
But I've put up a shield
You may nick or dent it
But KJW keeps me healed
Stop sending fake truces
The emotion is pretend
Keep me out of your thoughts
And there will be no reason to offend
Just leave with your mask
And don't look back
Your "sincerity"'s not needed
And neither is your attack

Skoorb, Nella

Why are tears so hot
When they run down the face
Of the average different girl
When her life is thrown
Into catastrophic proportions.
It's almost funny
How the tables have turned
This time around.
In the beginning you were good,
Trying to be the reason
That I no longer cried;
In the end, you were the reason
That I couldn't stop.
My mind has grown cold,
But my heart still bleeds.
No amount of begging
Will let you back in.
Walk a mile in my shoes;
Know the pain that I've felt;
Feel the hole I don't fill.
Don't want, but need me back;
Not as your lover,
To feed your desires,
But as a friend,
To fight back the liars,
To support and defend
Through all that may come...
But you had your chance.
I choose not to give another.
Your words cut deeper
Than any blade could,
And I don't want your fake me out
Brand of Neosporin.

Starving Artist

Writing the words
That I think
That I feel
That I know in my heart
Are true, are real
But who understands
If they don't speak the truth
If they hold themselves back
If they've lost their youth
Their minds are gone
So write what's on mine
My readers are few
But with them I shine
I'm a starving artist
With my life in my hands
I need to be seen
To fulfill my plans

Mississippi Blues

Down the road
Down the hot dirt road
Brown boarded shanty
With Papa outside
Strumming that banjo
Keeping the rhythm
With his sun-baked toes
Mama humming lullabies
And stirring in time
Seven little heads
Jumping in puddles
Climbing bent trees
Smiling, laughing
Running, running
Sun overhead
Burning Papa's neck
But the grass stays green

Music

Badump
Badump
Badump
The music plays
Through my veins
Beating my heart
In rhythms
It did not know before.
It pulses in my brain
The only coherency
Comes from the sweet, sweet words
That pass through talent's lips
Through talent's fingers
Through talent's soul
Badump
Badump
Badump
The music plays on

Despair

The stars exist
As does the moon
So why does the night
Present such a gloom
Night brings silence;
There's nothing to fear
But still, I hide
Until true light appears
Who's afraid of the dark
Who's afraid of despair
Who runs from it all
Who tries not to care
The numb settles;
I'm lost without light
So I wander in darkness
I wander in night

Hide and Seek

Crazy she calls me
Because I run
Too afraid to face what I should
Because I hide
Too afraid of confrontation
Too afraid of being sought after
For all the wrong reasons
(obligation, pity)
I hide from all
Though all is not choice
I seek as well
Though most is unattainable
And more is hiding too
In the dark unnoticed corners
I am afraid;
I want to be found
But who will find me?
They’re the one with the match
And not I;
I wield the candle
Illuminate my prison

I will surrender
I will admit it
You will win

Criminal

Take me away
I’m guilty as charged
I’m the destroyer
A heart breaker
My crime is of ignorance;
Of wanting, of feeling,
Of being myself
And while these were once acceptable,
(For ignorance goes hand in hand
With innocence, and is only changed
Through the teachings of
Someone more knowledgeable that I)
It is now too late
Too late for changes
Too late to prove
That I can be the girl
That he wants me to be
That he is expecting
He hates me, he hates me,
Hates the new mold
That I’ve fallen into
Hates my thoughts
That I’m indecisive
That I’m confusing
That I’m moody
That I’m sarcastic
That I’m so lost
Up and down I go
Having reasons to be happy
But never truly happy
I need a map
I need a key
Please save me

The Destroyer

What do you do
When the things you feel
Rush out too fast, too soon
Too much but not enough
When instead of easing
My inner wounds, they are
Burning, burning, burning,
Burning all in sight
Out of sight, out of mind
The destroyer they will call me
The water’s all dried up
Even so, this flame
Cannot be put out
So what comes next?
What do I do?

Jealously

So tired...
I lay on my side
And try to hide
The feelings that cannot be shown
In front of the others.
I bury my face
Go to a happy place
Where they cannot intrude on my peace of mind
Where they do not exist
Where I am not so alone.
The dog with the bone
Is my company of late
Drinking my pain like a sponge;
Although it doesn't speak
It knows that I am weak
And does its best to replace a gentle touch
Against my tear-stained skin.
I'm not up for a fray
I'll just take what they throw my way
And act like nothing is wrong
As if I don't hurt
As if I'm a wall
As if nothing gets in at all
As if their words don't make me sick.
I'll play by the rules
Because that's what friends do;
You would too
After all of that

Nigrum

Black is evil.

When the crook of our tale
Plots a dastardly deed
When he dresses in darkness
And stalks through the streets
When he destorys what he can
To quench his greed
When he returns to his manor
And thinks of his feats

Evil is black.

Albidus

White is good.

When the princess of our tale
Moves north to a tower
When she peers out a window
And sees snow all around
When her delicate frame
Seems to glow with power
When she listens for terror
And hears not a sound

Good is white.

Phaeus

Brown is the past.

When the pages flip open
With their soft worn side
When it refuses to tear
And it's tepid and strong
When it tells the story
Of the world outside
When it teaches the right
And points out the wrong

The past is brown.

Porphyreus

Purple is the night.

When the lights start to fade
And the sky turns soft
When the shadows emerge
To flutter and dance
When the blue-blooded spirits
Break from their loft
When dreams burst forth
And weave a trance

The night is purple.

Puteulanus

Blue is a man.

When he sits on the ground
With his feel in the sand
When he watches the clouds
As he views the sky
When he looks to his love
And asks for her hand
When they share their bliss
With a smile and a sigh

A man is blue.

Viridis

Green is the future.

When that little spry shoot
Pushes up through the ground
When it stretches its legs
To hold itself in place
When it becomes a haven
For those all around
When it continues to mature
With prosperity and grace

The future is green.

Xanthinus

Yellow is the day.

When that splendid star
Rises up in the sky
When it caresses my skin
As I wake from sleep
When the birds soar on
Until they leave my eye
When the cotton clouds merge
Into one candy heap

The day is yellow.

Aurantiacus

Orange is a child.

When it screams,just because
There's nothing better to do
When it can't get candy
And it throws a fit at the store
When it tells a knock knock joke
And think that it's brand-new
When it wears a cape, throws out its arms
And pretends it can soar

A child is orange.

Rubicundus

Red is a woman.

When she finds her true love
In bed with another
When she holds her head high
As if nothing is wrong
When she puts on that dress
To tempt all the others
When she struts down the street
With her models' legs long

A woman is red.

Imagination

My mind is like an untamed horse
Wild and free
Running in all directions
Trying all possibilities
Often getting stuck
In a puddle
And in that instant
Its life flashes before its eyes
And it struggles to get out
Before it gets captured
Well like it,
I dream...
About the past, present, and future
I dream to change events
To make events
To make myself happier
But I think too far
And get let down
When they don't come true
And I get captured by the truth
By imagination, by reality

I will never be the same stallion again

Do You Still Love Me?

Do you still love me?
Do you even care?
Do you still have the same feeling
That we used to share?

When I want to talk..
Am I wasting my time?
Am I supposed to move on?
Is my love only worth a dime?

Am I supposed to sit and pretend
That you don't mean a thing?
That I don't like to see you?
To me, you're a diamond ring.

Am I just
A part of your past?
I thought I meant something
I wanted us to last

But now I guess
It's pretty clear
That you don't have time
To have me near

I guess it doesn't make a difference
About what I'm going to say
But I'm going to love you
Until my last breath drips away...

Dear Santa

I finished my list just a minute ago
And I only want one thing
But this wish isn't simple
And it's the only item you probably can't bring

For this wish is a person
That means a whole lot to me
And sometimes I even wish that
We could still be
But we're not
And it's okay
We're still sort of close
To this day
...I'd like you to try
Your very best
There are some ideas
I'd like to suggest
You can put him in a box
But I don't want him dead
You could put a bow
On top of his head
And put him beneath
Our Christmas tree
While I dream of his kisses
And him being close to me
I'll wake in the morning
To find him asleep
And I'll curl up next to him
And not make a peep
And when he awakes
He'll kiss my cheek
And I'll smile up at him
And tell him he's so sweet
As you can see
I've been thinking for a while
If I'd written everything down
It'd be a big pile
So please, Santa
Please give me my way
Let me spend time with my love
On Christmas Day

Repeat

Close your eyes
Breathe
And it might all go away
You open your eyes
And see that nothing has changed
Except time
And while you were huddled on the floor
Screaming and sobbing
And wishing
You began to see that your life
Is like mine
Full of sorrow and pity and hatred
But you kept hoping
You kept dreaming
You curled into a ball
Trying to protect yourself
From the realities of the real world
The world that you've been denying for so long
That now as you slowly learn the rules of the game
You feel weak and dizzy
So you closed your eyes
Breathed
And hoped it all went away
You open your eyes
Nothing has changed
You close your eyes
Breathe
Make a wish
And open your eyes
Now repeat...
But face it
Every time you close your eyes
You close your mind
And that
Doesn't solve anything

Cold

Utterly and hopelessly
Lost without loving
No heart can heal
With no hand to hold
A little time
And gentle kissing
That's what it takes
To warm this cold

Smile

I see you there
With your contented smile
With your joyous laughter
Meant to come from her aura
Of love and satisfaction
But do you know happy?
Does is caress your face?
Does it hold you close?
Does it know your embrace?

Drop your facade
I can see through
Keeping it all in
Is good for few
I tried to stay
To make you smile
But in the end,
It was not worthwhile
Now as a friend
I want to assist
But how much can I do
If you turn away, or resist
I wish things were easier
I love you, my friend
You need to be told:
In time, it will need
But until then,
I want you, I need you,
To smile.

Hot & Cold

My eyes begin to droop.
I'm confirmed to this
Leather seat of death;
The other side does not
Know such horrors.
The fire cradles my feet,
Caressed my body,
Kisses my face.
Another day, the flames
Would be a relief,
But for now,
It singes and scorches
My heat-sensitive skin.
The blaze fills my lungs,
And just when I think
I'll go up in smoke,
An icy drop of heaven
Brushes my face.
I sigh in delight
As it washes over me,
As I bathe in the cool
Cold water that
Fights back the inferno.

Cemetary

Rows upon rows
Of the same names
Laying, sitting, standing
Big and small
Short and tall
Guarded by angels
By crosses
By wreaths upon wreaths
Of those soft bright flowers
All together
One big happy family

Revenge

What once was
Now seems to be never
She is a partition
A wall of just sticks
That somehow wields bricks
She tried to put me out
As if that could put me out
But she holds back the rain
So I smoke and smolder
My patience will not last

I want to see her burn.

The Missing Q

I call into _uestion
The _uality of the keys.
My _uandary may seem little,
But right now I _uake and wheeze.

I think I have _ fever;
My situation's very _ueer.
My _ is on a _uest,
After _uietude for a year.

It wasn't happy lying _uiescent,
Like a _uotidian ghost.
Its _uondam residence lay empty;
Now I re_uire it the most.

Toshiba, you're so _uirky
With your _uasi-broken letter.
A phone call to the help desk _uacks
Can _uickly make you better.

A girl with no elo_uence
Was there to take my re_uest.
I cannot consider her _uaint;
Her attitude's _uestionable at best.

I do not think she's _ualified;
It's safe to say that she's _uick-tempered.
When I ask to buy a _, she barks,
"The last was bought in November."

"This is inade_uate.
Not even a _uantity of one?
How can you make your _uota?"
She says, "For that key, we have none."

I'm starting to feel _ueasy.
"You people have no techni_ue!
How long will it take to get the e_uipment?"
"It may take as long as twelve weeks."

"Three months?" I say brus_uely,
"I hope it's once ex_uisite key!
What does my total e_ual?"
"That'll be $14.93."

"Are you joking?" I in_uire,
Though a _uipster she is not.
"I don't mean to seem _uerulous,
But it costs _uite a lot.

I hope a _uarter goes to charity,
Since the _uotation of keys is high."
She says, "Don't misunderstand;
The other keys cost $1.05."

"Why just the _?
Where's it coming from? _uebec?"
"Pretty much, and by the way:
We can only take a check."

We continue to _uarrel,
And _uibble, and fight.
She says I'm a delin_uent;
She's grotes_que, impolite.

In the end, she calls head_uarters,
And orders my _
(She became suddenly _uick-witted
When told I con_uuered kung fu).

_uadruple weeks
And a quadrille later,
I can't keep _uiet;
The _uiver in my hand's a traitor.

I step away from the _uiche,
And put my hair in a _ueue.
The _uestionaire can wait;
The _ueen-sized box I rip through.

I can't help but s_uirm;
The _ is here!
My joy can't be _uashed;
I've no _ualms, and no fear.

Oh no! I _uit!
This cannot be true!
That girl knew diddlys_uat!
That girl sent me a U!

Picture Perfect

I'm unique here
With my pale dark skin
A guest, an outsider
I don't fit in
To blend is impossible
With the others around
Though some wear white
And several more, brown
I don't fit the image
I don't fit the frame
I'll ruin the picture
And take all the blame
All must be perfect
So I stand on my own
Out of the way
By myself; alone

Speak

I open my mouth
The words don't come out
But they scream in my head
From my eyes they do spout
Do I want to be heard?
The heart would know best
But the heart won't speak
Just like all the rest
Silence is feeble
Not golden, but weak
What a fool I am
To utter only a squeak
My thoughts are muted
Oh where is my spine?
I cannot stand strong
I'm at the end of the line

My chance is gone
I can now stand upright
When it come times again
Will I speak or take flight?

blue

sleep gently, my dear; goodbye
may your trip be painless and quick
for beyond the clouds and stars
your flame has burned though all the wick

oh! how i'd love to rest my head
(in an Angel's Raiment, crisp and breezy)
sealed forever in a soft marble bed
but my way out would be too easy
He could simply free me
the reaper from the sky
but He does not choose me
He's too glorious; too high

you took me by surprise
you were gone without a farewell
my love for you, you'll never know;
it's locked inside my beating cell

never again will your voice touch my soul
(like an Angel's Wings, feathered and light)
to calm my nerves, and cover my holes;
without you, i wander through night
this can't be normal
you've been gone for a while
i just can't move on
though there is no denial

my thoughts are fading; my intentions aren't clear
(like an Angel's Appearance, transparent and nude)
why aren't you back? my begging's sincere)
i am now left to wallow and brood
how can He take them?
who gave Him the right?
why does He make the rules?
how can He still the light?

sleep gently; morning will never come
His grip will forever hold you
I know this: we may never meet
even if i start anew

Jack-O-Lantern

Slanted smiles give a smothered snicker
Wicked wick sticks burn and flicker
Ghoulish globes sit pretty on green
Paving the path for Halloween

Change

Let the moon come up
But never go down
Let the leaves fall
But never grow
Stay here and now
Keep still forever
Don't ever be that way
Never new, never different
Never moving, never going
Not forward or backward
Keep it old and simple
Don't change

No Babies For Me...

Gents and ladies
Always making babies
Why don't they know
When it's time to stop?

They won't get far
since they met at a bar
The whole time she's thinking
"Shoulda went to IHOP"

Now she's preggo
Can't keep down an eggo
All 'cus the baby
Messed up her digestion

Can only watch telly
And grow a big belly
And all because they
Did not use protection

Sin

A man and a woman
Met at the park
She has been with her child
Late after dark
They fell deep in love
And saw no other
The next thing they knew
The child had a brother
Things were secure for a while
But once the baby turned one
Her attachment fell away
Motherly feelings were done
The child raised the baby
As a child of its own
While its parents were together
The airs smothers with moans
The two little children
Malnourished and dead
Slept in the closet
Instead of the bed

Desire

Like a marauder at night
I stalk
To give and please
To take and corrupt
It burns like fire
Pretending not to want
But reaching forward
With an unseen hand

Sinking quickly
For the sand detains me
Pulling me closer
Though rough and unkind

The branch, my savior
Cooing a lullaby of reassurance
Though uncertain and unclear
Rock me, gently,
Though I'm afraid
I'll break you

Young and innocent
Is the cat
Standing at the mouth
Not knowing what's inside
Learn me, like me,
Though I'm afraid
I'll chase you away

The predator entices me
With its danger and beauty
Yet it sings for another
Who can't dance as well
Think of me, quietly,
Though I'm afraid
You'll fight me

Love me deep
Love me slowly
Pacify
Look from scratches
Just see inside

On Those Rainy Days...

Let running rivers fall
Through cotton beings.
Bathe in joy.
Be rejuvenated.
Be free.
Let your streams fall.
Release.
Let go.
Apologize.
Forgive and forget.
Kiss and make up.
Dance.

Untitled

Laughter cannot drown your pain
Tears cannot flood your happiness
You're left with that feeling in between
That numb that gets you through the day
That makes your vision sharp and clear
That helps you see through the lies
Hate does not make you
Love does not break you
Walk through the thorns
But do not touch them
Stop and smell the roses
But do not pick them
Resist temptations
But embrace them
There's no end to the tunnel
Just a flickering light in the middle
Live for you and no one else
As no one else
Be yourself
And live
Just live

Colors

In this place
Nothing is what it seems
The grass is yellow
And the sky is green

The trees are orange
And the roads are gray
And there are no clouds
To make a rainy day

And the sun is white
Like a godly ball
And instead of turning red
The leaves turn pink in the fall

And instead of having races
We have normal human beings
And no one has to figure out
What kind of person they are seeing

Because color doesn't matter
In this mixed up world
And there are no stereotypical people
Growing in little boys and girls

There are no racist comments
Anyone can say what they please
And don't have to pay a consequence
Or irrational fee's

You say if no one's unique
Life would be a lot duller
But I say it would be easier to see people
If they weren't recognized by color

Alone

I am alone.
One
Single
By myself
I am completely and utterly
Alone
Falling through darkness
Then standing
Only to find no reflection
In the mirror of life
Of love
Of happiness
Of truth
I walk through crowded rooms
I am still alone.

Mirrors

Look at that girl.
Yes, that one.
The crazy one.
Screaming for help.
Banging on windows and doors.
Crying.
Wanting to leave.
But He will not admit her.
He says it's not time.
She wants her time to end.
Others watch her.
They laugh at her pain.
Point and laugh.
They say she's fine.
She knows she's not.
Look at that girl.
Yes, that one.
Screaming for help.
The one in the reflection,
Of my mirror.

Puppets

It seems as if
Love is just out of my reach
My life is out of my own control
I'm like a puppet
Controlled by tainted hands
My skin is withered and dull
Imperfect
My head lolls
And as if for a joke someone pushed a pebble through my ear
To take the place of my brain
To say I am conceited and naive
There are tear trails on my face
Slowly eating me away
My heart is carved into my shoulder
My insides are filled with water
I constantly cry on the inside
I am nude
My hideousness shows to anyone who passes
I reach my mechanical arm out to love...
And it's just beyond my grasp
I beg for a life
My nose grows
Does that make my life a lie?
And if it does...
Why use someone like me in the Big Picture?
What evil plan am I a part of?
I read the script

I play the old beggar
In the production of life
The one no one believes
The puppet

The Depths

Hell hath no fury like home
Where I am persecuted for who I am
And burned at the stake
Exiled from having an enjoyable life
Home is supposed to be your safe house
Your protection
Your happiness
I'm threatened by forces who want it their way
Who takes my life as their own
And tries to run it
According to their plans
I'm not good enough for anyone
I must change to be liked
To be wanted
To be loved
Without change I am shunned aside
Like stale food
Without change I am unpresentable
A scratch in the perfect world
A rain cloud in your clear blue sky
A mistake
A problem that must be eliminated
They put wind beneath my wings
To make me go away
And then shoot me down
Beat my corpse
For I am never left at ease
My soul goes towards that happy place
Towards the light
Only to be rejected once more
Sentenced to darkness
Sentenced to hell for an eternity
Where tormenting souls make fun
Because they have so many insecurities of their own
That nothing feels better
Than to put someone else down
To make themselves look good
When all it does is make them look childish
But we're all children here
The children of hell
But even here I suffer
The demons feast upon my pain
Sucking the life out of my lifelessness
But never being completely satisfied
They break me
Taking everything pure and whole
Reducing me to an infant
Weak and unknowing
Suffering from the cruelty of a lifeless life
Hell hath no fury like home
Hell is my home

Writings on the Pine

The lines race towards the end
Meeting occasionally
Sometimes interrupted by hearts
There are often red trails stalking them
Made neater with my fingertips
Giving the pine the appearance of falling hearts
But if the red lines meet
They form a pool
The engravings in the corner fill
Like water in an empty bed
I move around a bit to keep the blood flowing out
The shackles jingle around my ankles
I reach down towards the sound
But the darkness engulfs my hand
Drip
Drop
Plip
Plop
The blood falls on the floor
A door opens and closes
I hear footsteps around me
The the crack of a whip
I scream as it lashes at my back
The leather ripping away the scabs
I feel hot blood trickle down
I shudder
And the whip cracks again
It makes new symbols
Making the old ones deeper
I lunge towards my aggressor
But the chains hold me back
She beats me again and again
Until every part of me is numb
The breeze chilling me
As it rushes over the wounds
I grab her ankle
And peer into my own eyes
I glare, then sneer at myself
I have tears in my eyes
The whip cracks again

Car Crash

Time screeches to a complete halt
And your life flashes before your eyes
Everything becomes important
Everyone
Even him
The one who broke your heart
The one you swore to never love again
When you swore to never love again
And all the hidden pain rushes back into you
And you collapse
From all the pressures of the past, present, and future
Sobbing
Banging your fists into the earth
Wishing it would go away
You hate the pain
That's why you concealed it from everyone
So no one would worry
You plastered on that fake smile
And as soon as you were alone
It broke away
Leaving red eyes
Tear stained cheeks
You go to shower
In a feeble attempt to wash it away again
Only to feel worse after looking down
And seeing his initials carved so eloquently into your arm
You tried everything
But all you really needed was him
He could have been your anti-drug
Since the drugs you took didn't work
You begin to feel regret
You regret forgetting
Time resumes as normal
And you look up to see that
The car that came seconds from hitting you
Was never a car at all
Big Ben chimes midnight
You stand and look at the dashed white lines on the ground
The alcohol affecting your mind as you stumble
You pick up the gun you had held to your head
You remember muttering minutes before
"I want to be dead."

Feelings

To constantly compare yourself to someone
Is to constantly put yourself down
And by doing so
Is mental suicide
And to constantly compare yourself
To someone in another's eyes
Is madness
That can push even the strongest of people
Over the edge
Make them feel weak and vulnerable
Even paranoid
I have these problems
These fears
That I will never measure up
I will never be as good
I will never come close
That no matter how hard I try
No matter what I say or do
They will never change
Together forever
With no thoughts of nobody
For that's what I'm becoming
Of no importance
So when I compare myself to her
It's like comparing an 8-year-old girl
To an old widow
The girl is new and fruitful
As the widow is constantly depressed
And losing her mind
She's old news

Forgotten

I'm falling
From what used to be pure happiness
To what I despise:
Complete sorrow
Love has become meaningless
Everything is losing its color
I'm beginning to see black and white
Life's greatest pleasures are getting fuzzy
Everything I hold close to me is slipping away
And it seems as if I can't get it back
Every touch
Every kiss
Every memory is sealed in plastic
And set ablaze
Burning slowly
A little at a time
My heart is starting to freeze
Time goes by so slowly and yet so fast
I lose track of the days of the week
But the clock is stuck on 11:59
I'm trying so hard to keep him
And somehow he slips between my fingers
Again and again
When I do grab hold
He slaps my hand
Pushing me back into the depths
Of the clear island waters
And as he floats away
He looks over his shoulder and says
"I won't forget you."
And as he walks ashore he yells back
"I haven't forgotten you."
And as teasr fill my eyes
And he explores new people and places
I whisper
"Forgotten."

Broken Glass

Smashed.
Sharp glass.
Broken.
My heart's love token.
Bleeding slowly,
Hurts so bad.
His beautiful smile
Makes me sad...
And yet...
I love him still.
He can make my day,
Any day;
Can make my pain
Go away...
But chooses to teace
And play...
He brings joy to my heart,
Tears to my eyes,
Jitters to my stomach,
And tells a lot of lies...
And yet...
I love him still.

Every Other Moment

Every other moment is spent thinking of you
Every other moment is spent wishing you were here
Every other night I cry myself to sleep; I'm scared
And yet...There's nothing to fear

Every other moment I wish we were closer
Every other day I sit in a daze
It's all so confusnig, this position I'm in
It feels like my life is a maze

I don't think I've ever met anyone
Who's been in this position before
And no matter how much it could be hurting me
I am constantly craving for more

The thrill of my life, it's somewhat exciting
I get to spread my wings and be free
I get to sit back and enjoy the view
And for once, I get to be me.

There are so many people I wish I could have
And yet there are so few
Because they are taken by the ones they love...
I wish I could be like that too...

Maybe this doesn't make sense to you
I know and I can't explain why
But very often I get this feeling
That makes me want to cry

Sonnet 1

I look left and right
And all around
You're nowhere in sight
In the air nor the ground

I miss you so much
I want you to be mine
I love your gentle touch
And your kisses are divine

How can you be so far away
And yet so near
You helped me find my way;
Now everything is clear

Finally I found you; you're back in my heart
And I hope that we shall never part

Happiness

Happiness
What I've been feeling
The protagonist
Of my fairy tale
Saving me
From the vortx I call
Reality
This happiness
Can take the form of many things
But in my life
It's in one
This happiness
I hadn't seen it often
Until I met you
In this state of mind
You are here with me
Under the sun and stars
Creating this new part of me

Little Things

Sweet kisses,
Eternal hugs,
It's these little things
That I've come to love

Lavender scents,
Vanilla candles,
This infinite love
It's too much to handle

As much as I want to
As hard as I try
I never can stop myself
From wanting to cry

It's not always a bad thing
Sometimes I'm fine
It's jsut that my mind is
Twisted up like a vine

Dozens of roses
Everlasting love
It's these little things
That I put above

Farming

If you plant the seed
Down into the ground
Soon it will grow
Into a little mound

Then in the spring
It will sprout leaves
And then like a basket
Our love shall be weaved

And then very slowly
It'll grow into a tree
And instead of being I
I can say We

Because whenever I love
I love down far deep
And whatever you sow
You shall keep

Brown Eyes

Those brown eyes
Always watching,
Smiling,
Looking down at me.
Those brown eyes
I often long for,
Filled with kindness
And sincerity.
Those brown eyes
That warms me when it's cold
And cools me in
Heat.
Those brown eyes
Bold like chestnuts,
Soft like chocolate,
Crisp like a leaf.
Those brown eyes.
Always watching,
Taking in
Life's beauty.

I Love You

What is this?
This feeling I get...
Whenever I think of
The first time we met

This feeling I feel...
It often shows above.
Wait, could it be?
Is this what they call love?

It's beautiful an majestic,
Like Niagara Falls
I get excited and smile
Whenever he calls

When I see him again
I'll give him a kiss
We live far apart
And it's he that I miss

So until that day
Even if we start anew
We'll end each conversation with
"I love you"

Fairytales

I am the princess
That's locked in the tower.
I am the princess
That's left with the chores.
I am the princess
That's bitten the apple.
I am the princess
That must sleep forever or more.
I am the princess
That must finf true love.
I am the princess
That must fit the glove.
Where's my Prince Charming,
My husband to be?
We'll walk hand in hand away from
My woes and be free.
Wheres my Prince Charming?
What's taking so long?
He told me our love was for
Forever and strong.
Where is he now?
Is he trying to rescue me?
Someone just told me
He's too busy.
Too busy? I cry
I am getting older.
I can't wait much longer or I'll
Turn into an ogre.

Happy

I want to go on a joy ride
Feel the wind in my hair
Maybe get a little darker
Get a taste of fresh air
I want long walks on the beach
I want to play in the sand
I want to eat a cup of fries
While I listen to some bands
I want to taste the cotton clouds
I want to hold a shooting star
But if I ever look down
I won't get very far
I want to kick off my shoes
And dance outside in the rain
I don't need to hear the music
I keep it playing in my brain
I'll pick flowers in the meadow
I'll climb trees in the park
I'll build snow forts in the winter
I'll sneak in late after dark
I'll laugh 1000 laughs
And smile 10,000 smiles
I'll run from 10 blown kisses
And I'll skip 100 miles
I'll forever keep my happy
And forever more my youth
And if it ever gets away
I'll become the greatest super sleuth
Better than Sherlock
Even better than Nancy Drew
And when I get it back
I'll stick it with Elmer's glue

You Get to Walk Away

I was there in the beginning
I was there when the love grew
I was there when you broke her heart
So I'm glad that it's through
She does too, though she'll never say

You abused her heart, her mind, her soul
How she got up every morning, I'll never know
Through torment and pain, she forced out a smile
To please you dearest Jesse, but what's left to show?
And yet it's you that gets to walk away

You get to leave her in the dust
While she'll sit and rot and rust
You can move to a better meaning
While she's wishing she was dreaming

She'll hope for a better day
But you'll move on with no delay

But you're lucky
'Cuz you get to walk away
But I swear to God
You'll pay

To My Broken Hearted Friend

I've felt what you're feeling
I've been down that path
You've helped me so many times
You've listened to my wrath

I know it seems
As if you're at world's end
So here's a message from me;
One of your very close friends:

You're feeling pretty miserable
Like you'll never move on
Like your hurt will never end
Like you cannot be strong

But I know you can
I've seen you when you're down
It will take sometime
But you'll come around

You want to be friends; to get back to normal
Or as normal, as normal can get
But personally I don't think he deserves to live
If he can't show his face without regret

Let him run from being a man
And even more, one of your best friends
Even if he turns around
He'll have one big heart to mend

Meanwhile I'll be here
To wipe away your tears
And always to make you laugh;
You have nothing to fear

If it were possible for me
I'd hole your pain as it grew
I'd fix you right up
Put you back together with glue

Maybe a band-aid too